Here's the deal. I'm fat. I say "chubby" because it kind of takes the edge off...but let's face it...when you can no longer shop on the "other side" of the clothing store or when your size comes with a $3 or $4 markup, you're fat. And it sucks. Pants don't fit right and people look at you funny when you approach the refreshments table at a baby shower.
Have you ever heard that little kid's story where you squeeze the kid's cheeks while they say "Hi, my name is chubby! My mommy is chubby. My daddy is chubby. Even my dog is chubby! And when I smile, it looks like this" And then the kid tries to smile while you are still squeezing their cheeks and they look ridiculous and everyone laughs! Well, that's my life. My mother and father were both fat all through my growing up. My younger sister is fat. My brother is fat. I wasn't fat as a teenager, but as I grew into adulthood, pregnancy, stress, losses and time restraints...I packed on the pounds and found that I couldn't lose them.
I tried everything. I found things that worked. I lost about 10 pounds eating just a clean diet of carrots, onions, celery and bone broth, but that got boring very quickly and the weight came right back. I was very successful losing about 20 pounds when my third child was a toddler, but it required a very strict diet of 1000-1200 calories and 2-4 hours at the gym every day. When she stopped taking a long nap in the afternoon, the gym time became impossible to maintain, and even though my diet didn't change, I started gaining weight again. SlimFast was great, but I was hungry all of the time. Trainers at the gym insisted that I just needed to eat smaller meals more often throughout the day, but then my days became centered around what and when I would "get" to eat again. My husband was as supportive as possible, but he has never struggled with his weight regardless of his diet and exercise regimen. I felt defeated and alone.
And here's the hard and fast truth of it: I was desperate and did horrible desperate things. In college I joined an anorexia support group...not a "support you to overcome your anorexia" group...no...a "here are tips on how to maintain an anorexic lifestyle" group. I took laxatives and tried to throw up in the toilet (though I wasn't very successful...I guess my gag reflex isn't strong enough *shrug*). After my fourth child, I had all but given up. I had a FitBit that didn't track half of my steps because I always went walking with a stroller and a treadmill that I was afraid to use because it was all the way down in the cold, dank, unfinished basement, and a closet full of workout clothes that spent more time at Target than at the gym. When I went out, people said things. I heard laughter at the gym one day and saw two hot guys watching me with amusement and derision. I went to a neighborhood party and was stopped from grabbing one of the bitesized brownies by a well-meaning but ultimately tactless neighbor who warned me that these are the sorts of things that keep us fat. And the first grader who lived next door told my 6 year old daughter that she had better start watching what she ate or she might end up fat like me. Horrified, offended, frustrated, depressed...but the only real emotion that fully encompassed how I felt was "desperate."
Enter, Keto.
When my neighbor suggested that we do Keto together, I had no idea what that meant. I had never heard of the Keto diet. She said, you really need to read the book, but to start, just think high fat, cheese, no sugar or other carbs. We resolved to start on Monday (you really can't start anything any other day). I ordered the book KETO by Maria and Craig Emmerich, and I went to the store to buy Keto foods based on my neighbor's instructions. The book came in the mail, and I realized that I had started off completely wrong. And carbs were hiding everywhere!!! So we resolved to start again, this time doing it right. And the pounds melted away.
It took a while to wrap my brain around the Keto philosophy, but once I did, I realized how easy it really was! Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon! How much easier does it get? Bacon and butter and cream and a strawberry here and there.
I bought a cookbook at Costco and downloaded some recipes from Pinterest, but there is a serious learning curve to Keto cooking! The recipes had ingredients I had never heard of...ghee, arrow root powder, monk fruit, glucomannan, psyllium husk, swerve...and other ingredients that didn't sound too appetizing...liver, scallops, pork rinds, BLECH! And everything required very careful construction...coconut flour will absorb all of the liquid if you don't stir it right and almond flour baked goods often come out grainy. Coconut oil makes your food feel very sweet and egg whites sometimes need to be whipped to just the right consistency to make the food come out right. I'm not a great cook, and suddenly I was thrust into a world that compared to my standards felt gourmet.
And thus, this blog.
6 months later, I'm down 50 lbs. I've spent a lot of money on crappy food and tossed out a lot of Keto treats that claimed to be just like the originals but ended up tasting like garbage. I've tried the cleanses and read so many books and followed Keto chefs and coaches on Facebook, YouTube and Pinterest. And at the end of the day, when people compliment me on the weight loss and the change in my body and ask what I've done, I don't want them to be scared of Keto. Because Keto can be terrifying, but it can also be life changing. It can be expensive and organic and complicated, but it can also be a little dirty and straightforward.
Not everyone will subscribe to my brand of Keto. It's a mix of "dirty" Keto and "lazy" Keto and traditional Keto. But I feel like it is a realistic way to at least try Keto with products and recipes that are affordable and easy. I call this LAZY MOM KETO because I'm a mom, and sometimes instead of getting up early to exercise, "fasting" until lunch, and then making one huge gourmet meal....I'd rather sleep in, grab and Coke Zero and a protein bar as I run out the door to volunteer at the elementary school and go to the grocery store and run the Book Fair and take kids to doctors appointments and violin lessons and scouts. Because real life isn't gourmet...sometimes it's a toddler napping in the car and speeding through the Sonic drive-thru and grabbing Little Caesar's pizza at 7:30 at night so the kids aren't just eating sandwiches and quesadillas for dinner again...I've learned (and am still learning) how to dumb Keto down to my level and make it work in my life. And I want to help other moms like me do the same.
I'm down 50lbs. I hope that I keep going. I'm down 2 pants sizes, and that feels great! I hope this helps you on your journey, too!
Have you ever heard that little kid's story where you squeeze the kid's cheeks while they say "Hi, my name is chubby! My mommy is chubby. My daddy is chubby. Even my dog is chubby! And when I smile, it looks like this" And then the kid tries to smile while you are still squeezing their cheeks and they look ridiculous and everyone laughs! Well, that's my life. My mother and father were both fat all through my growing up. My younger sister is fat. My brother is fat. I wasn't fat as a teenager, but as I grew into adulthood, pregnancy, stress, losses and time restraints...I packed on the pounds and found that I couldn't lose them.
I tried everything. I found things that worked. I lost about 10 pounds eating just a clean diet of carrots, onions, celery and bone broth, but that got boring very quickly and the weight came right back. I was very successful losing about 20 pounds when my third child was a toddler, but it required a very strict diet of 1000-1200 calories and 2-4 hours at the gym every day. When she stopped taking a long nap in the afternoon, the gym time became impossible to maintain, and even though my diet didn't change, I started gaining weight again. SlimFast was great, but I was hungry all of the time. Trainers at the gym insisted that I just needed to eat smaller meals more often throughout the day, but then my days became centered around what and when I would "get" to eat again. My husband was as supportive as possible, but he has never struggled with his weight regardless of his diet and exercise regimen. I felt defeated and alone.
And here's the hard and fast truth of it: I was desperate and did horrible desperate things. In college I joined an anorexia support group...not a "support you to overcome your anorexia" group...no...a "here are tips on how to maintain an anorexic lifestyle" group. I took laxatives and tried to throw up in the toilet (though I wasn't very successful...I guess my gag reflex isn't strong enough *shrug*). After my fourth child, I had all but given up. I had a FitBit that didn't track half of my steps because I always went walking with a stroller and a treadmill that I was afraid to use because it was all the way down in the cold, dank, unfinished basement, and a closet full of workout clothes that spent more time at Target than at the gym. When I went out, people said things. I heard laughter at the gym one day and saw two hot guys watching me with amusement and derision. I went to a neighborhood party and was stopped from grabbing one of the bitesized brownies by a well-meaning but ultimately tactless neighbor who warned me that these are the sorts of things that keep us fat. And the first grader who lived next door told my 6 year old daughter that she had better start watching what she ate or she might end up fat like me. Horrified, offended, frustrated, depressed...but the only real emotion that fully encompassed how I felt was "desperate."
Enter, Keto.
When my neighbor suggested that we do Keto together, I had no idea what that meant. I had never heard of the Keto diet. She said, you really need to read the book, but to start, just think high fat, cheese, no sugar or other carbs. We resolved to start on Monday (you really can't start anything any other day). I ordered the book KETO by Maria and Craig Emmerich, and I went to the store to buy Keto foods based on my neighbor's instructions. The book came in the mail, and I realized that I had started off completely wrong. And carbs were hiding everywhere!!! So we resolved to start again, this time doing it right. And the pounds melted away.
It took a while to wrap my brain around the Keto philosophy, but once I did, I realized how easy it really was! Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon! How much easier does it get? Bacon and butter and cream and a strawberry here and there.
I bought a cookbook at Costco and downloaded some recipes from Pinterest, but there is a serious learning curve to Keto cooking! The recipes had ingredients I had never heard of...ghee, arrow root powder, monk fruit, glucomannan, psyllium husk, swerve...and other ingredients that didn't sound too appetizing...liver, scallops, pork rinds, BLECH! And everything required very careful construction...coconut flour will absorb all of the liquid if you don't stir it right and almond flour baked goods often come out grainy. Coconut oil makes your food feel very sweet and egg whites sometimes need to be whipped to just the right consistency to make the food come out right. I'm not a great cook, and suddenly I was thrust into a world that compared to my standards felt gourmet.
And thus, this blog.
6 months later, I'm down 50 lbs. I've spent a lot of money on crappy food and tossed out a lot of Keto treats that claimed to be just like the originals but ended up tasting like garbage. I've tried the cleanses and read so many books and followed Keto chefs and coaches on Facebook, YouTube and Pinterest. And at the end of the day, when people compliment me on the weight loss and the change in my body and ask what I've done, I don't want them to be scared of Keto. Because Keto can be terrifying, but it can also be life changing. It can be expensive and organic and complicated, but it can also be a little dirty and straightforward.
Not everyone will subscribe to my brand of Keto. It's a mix of "dirty" Keto and "lazy" Keto and traditional Keto. But I feel like it is a realistic way to at least try Keto with products and recipes that are affordable and easy. I call this LAZY MOM KETO because I'm a mom, and sometimes instead of getting up early to exercise, "fasting" until lunch, and then making one huge gourmet meal....I'd rather sleep in, grab and Coke Zero and a protein bar as I run out the door to volunteer at the elementary school and go to the grocery store and run the Book Fair and take kids to doctors appointments and violin lessons and scouts. Because real life isn't gourmet...sometimes it's a toddler napping in the car and speeding through the Sonic drive-thru and grabbing Little Caesar's pizza at 7:30 at night so the kids aren't just eating sandwiches and quesadillas for dinner again...I've learned (and am still learning) how to dumb Keto down to my level and make it work in my life. And I want to help other moms like me do the same.
I'm down 50lbs. I hope that I keep going. I'm down 2 pants sizes, and that feels great! I hope this helps you on your journey, too!
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